Pastiche Foundation

Gender Variance made Simple

When you call me ‘she’

When you call me ‘she’

When I stopped pretending to be the girl you thought you knew, I traded despair for hope. When I started Testosterone, I began to feel comfort and joy in my body, instead of disgust and horror. When you call me she, her, miss, dyke, or mom, you are not supporting me, you are tearing me down. When you call me these things, here are the statements I hear:

  • You do not know yourself; I do.
  • I refuse to see you for who you are.
  • The thing that makes you most miserable in life has the greatest value to me
  • You do not deserve the positive things you’ve discovered on this journey:
    • Hope
    • Joy
    • Peace
    • Stability
    • Kindness
    • Love of Service
    • Passion for Life, and
    • A Desire to Live it
      • I don’t want these things for you.
  • I don’t care about you.
  • I don’t care about you.
  • I don’t care about you.
  • I don’t care.
Advertisements

April 12, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , ,

16 Comments »

  1. All I can say is, I feel your pain, man…very well-written!

    Comment by Evan | April 13, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks Evan,
      Glad you value this entry. I had been chewing on this awhile and finally the words sorted themselves out. That tends to be my process… I get a basic idea/outline of what I want to say, and it sort of runs in the background (like a computer scan) until it pops up and goes, “Write me this way!”

      Comment by projectpastiche | April 13, 2009 | Reply

  2. I can agree with this. Being a genderfluid female I don’t like to be considered female all of the time, some of the time sure, but if I’m constantly told that I’m so pretty or so feminine or treated like a girl then it makes me feel terrible. It’s one reason that I think my past two relationships failed: they expected me to follow my gender and like being pulled onto laps, caressed and kissed and all that kind of bullshit all of the time. It was quite agitating.

    Comment by Ri | April 13, 2009 | Reply

    • Thanks Ri,

      It’s nice to see that other ‘trans’ folks can identify with my writing (As a genderfluid person, do you feel the term transgender applies to you? Why or why not?). Either way, thanks for reading!

      Comment by projectpastiche | April 13, 2009 | Reply

  3. Pastiche,

    You are He to me, and I look forward to seeing you later, as I know there will be changes and joy! Thank you for educating us. We love you. Can’t wait to see the God again in your eyes.

    Comment by gaiagirldr47ik2 | April 13, 2009 | Reply

    • We love you, too! Have T email me already!!

      Comment by projectpastiche | April 13, 2009 | Reply

  4. Hi Lane,

    It has certainly been a pleasure knowing you this last year or so. I am so happy that you have found who you really are inside and out. This world is full of categorizations of people. The mind’s way of understanding things is to put things that are “similar” in boxes. What the world has yet to realize is that we can no longer do this. We need to step back and take the higher road. We need to stop our assumptions of people and allow them to express to us who they really are. Regardless of your anatomy, humankind should accept you for who you say you are. I support you in your endeavors and wish you nothing but the best in your journey. The world could learn a lot from you and your journey through life… Best wishes!

    Sincerely,

    Jamez

    Comment by Jamez Askew | April 14, 2009 | Reply

    • Jamez,

      Thank you so much for your kindness, I am honored to know you. You have a great heart and mind, and everyone better vote for you for President!

      Comment by projectpastiche | April 14, 2009 | Reply

  5. This entry is fantastic. It describes exactly what I feel in this situation, and I might show it to my parents, if I can work up the courage. I feel like if anything could get them to understand how it makes me feel, it’s this. I’m very lucky to know you. ^_^;

    Comment by Michael | April 14, 2009 | Reply

    • That’s why I published it to my blog–to help others. Glad it was useful.

      Comment by projectpastiche | April 14, 2009 | Reply

  6. When I stopped pretending to be the girl you thought you knew, I traded despair for hope. When I started Testosterone, I began to feel comfort and joy in my body, instead of disgust and horror.

    Rock on. I feel you with this.

    However, I think you go too far in projecting hostility and negativity on others with some of what you hear when others call you ‘she’ like:

    you are not supporting me, you are tearing me down.
    The thing that makes you most miserable in life has the greatest value to me
    You do not deserve.. positive things
    I don’t care about you.

    I understand that might be what you hear, but that’s not the same at all as what the person was actually saying.

    Humans are generally selfish creatures. We’re ultimately concerned in protecting ourselves and our own world view. Just as you hate to have people impose their ideas of gender and sexuality on you, people have the same feeling about you imposing your ideas on them.

    I saw you as male from the beginning, so you know I don’t fall into this camp and it’s easy for me to use male pronouns for you, but other people don’t get it. (And you yourself have gracefully admitted that you didn’t always “get” trans issues when you were younger either)

    A person who uses the wrong pronoun for you probably isn’t making a hostile attack, but making their best guess based on your appearance (especially pre-transition) and their own views on gender/sex and its immutability.

    Even when you correct them and let them know that you’re male, the person may not understand this or be willing to alter their world view on what gender is to line with yours. They just want to stubbornly hold onto their views of gender without being forced to agree with yours.

    Even those assholes who deliberately use the wrong pronoun for you, I think it’s less about you and tearing you down, and more about themselves and their unwillingness to change their view of gender. They want to defend and validate themselves, not “make you miserable.”

    I know it hurts, but I think it’s possible to be paranoid and read too far into things when a simple pronoun slip gets interpreted as “You hate me as a person!”

    They’re not trying to hurt you. In fact, it’s most likely they’re not thinking about you at all, but rather thinking only of themselves when they use the pronoun that comes most naturally based on their world experience.

    Comment by N. Ash | April 14, 2009 | Reply

    • Hey Ash,

      This is a dramatic writing intended as a fish-eye lens, showing the emotional effect of intentional pronoun disrespect early in the process as an attempt to relate the severity of the social issues that get attached to Gender Confirmation Treatment. I appreciate your support and thoughtful response though.

      Love always,

      Pastiche

      Comment by projectpastiche | April 14, 2009 | Reply

  7. You know …i don’t need to get stuck on this on …It’s not a He/she kinda thing for me..Can i just stick to Friend and call the whole thing good. the whole thing is just another one of those neat little boxes the rest of the world needs you to fit in. As my good friend and educator Sally Patton taught me “labels are for boxes not people”. You are just that ..you and your the only you that i know. others may say things about you …but i know you …and you are strong and wise. and most of all …you are my friend

    Comment by DrNickydafin | April 15, 2009 | Reply

    • 🙂 very cool, people that simply accept others are beautiful.

      Comment by projectpastiche | April 15, 2009 | Reply

  8. I really like this. It expresses perfectly the pain we feel when people constantly call us she (especially when we have asked them a million fucking times….) but its also inspiring. I think its a good slap on the face for those disrespectful people as well. Thanks for writing this, i think i’ll have to show it to some people.

    🙂

    Comment by punkboisam | May 25, 2009 | Reply

    • Thank you so much, punkboisam, and hello!

      You are very much welcome to share anything on this site. Please credit Lance A. Worth, founder of Project Pastiche.

      Comment by projectpastiche | May 26, 2009 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: